Bonus Blog: My Family.....

I had some time to pass, so I thought I would blog.

I am going to blog about my Life, which is my family. I have come to the sad realization that people look down upon women who have devoted their lives to their family, husband and children. This really is nothing based upon being a SAHM or working Mom, but a sad stigma that has allowed women to feel as if their focal point is on their family we have failed. I think this is the problem with today's society.

I am proud to admit that my husband and children are my life. My love for my family is what keeps my days bright and shiny. I feel so good to know that I make a difference in someone's life and whom better than my own family? Its ok to feel accomplished if we devote our life to schooling and a career, but we are of a lesser value if our family is our priority. I just do not get it and I have come to think this is the problem with our society.

Family is no longer a priority. Family has become secondary to so many things. It has taken the back seat to almost everything in our lives. I know some people will beg to differ, but why is it the youth of today is in such a disarray? Why is it our youth has become so misguided and consumed with TV, video games, sex and so many unyouthful things? Why is it marriages are falling apart and adultery has become a way of life. Why is it that no one puts the same effort into their family as they would do in their job. I have always found it amazing a person can make justification for slacking at home/family/family life, but will go to the work and give 110% and be ok with not being 100% with their responsibility to their family.

Family is doomed as we know it if we continue with this vicious cycle. I know we live in such a competitive society, but we need to raise the bar on how to prioritize and make time for your husband, wives, kids and family. We need to put the same "all" we devote into our family as we do our everyday. We need to set the same kind of goals for our family as we do at our workplace. Some times putting pen to paper to see the goal is a lot easier to achieve then going in blindly and endlessly. Take the time to ask your spouse how his day was, take the time to ask your child how their day was, take the 5 minutes at your lunch break to let your spouse know you are thinking of them, take the time to cook a home cooked meal, even if it is one of Rachael Ray's 30 minute meals, take the time to act juvenile with your kids, take the time to make couple time for just you and your spouse.

I feel proud when I think about how devoted my husband is to his family. He goes to work and comes home and dives right in. He never over looks the needs of his family. He is always here and interacting. He will help clear a dinner table and do chores with no questions asked. He calls me to check on the kids and I. Everything he does he does for his family. It feels great to have a partner that is as devoted to his family's needs as his own needs. He is never too tired for his family and I am not either. He never slacks on playing with the kids because he much rather take a nap. He gives himself completely.

Maybe if we took the time to give a little more TLC, we could save many marriages and many kids lives from going off path. Maybe the world would be a better place, but for now I am totally ok with being consumed with my family's need. I only get one chance to do it right. My family is not one of those things I want to look back on and wish I had of did things differently. I take pride in knowing my daughter is holding down a 90 average and aspires to be a Forensic Psychiatrist, I take pride that my son who once had a behavioral problem and was developmentally delayed is thriving and getting 80's and aspires to achieve 90's like his older sister. I am proud to look at my 3rd child, who loves school and is doing well and want's to be "just like mommy". I am proud of my husband who loves me as much as I love him and takes his responsibility to his family serious. I am proud to be a mother to a toddler that loves me and smiles at me first thing in the morning when he see's me.

Money couldn't buy the things I have achieved in life. There is no amount of money that can ever compensate the joy my family has brought to me and will continue to bring to me.



My family is my accomplishment and I am proud of that!

Drama Whores

Are people who thrive on having constant chaos in their life that consist of events that are vivid and emotional and so unneeded. I have viewed myself as controversial and opinionated, but definitely not into drama.

I have found people who thrive on drama are such miserable people that they are consumed by their own grief that they wish to inflict others with grief and headache. So what do they do, they start Drama. I feel blessed that I learned to be able to measure ones genuineness by their own actions.

I learned long ago to take a step back and see things for what they were worth. I was able to realize that Drama whores will never be happy for you because they aren't happy with theirs. So in return they will try to twist and pull you into their craziness. At 32 years old I am too old to fall into that crap. This is the stuff my 15 year old deals with on a daily and she is suppose to, but I remind her to not allow anyone to bring her down because people only want to see you fail and they are quicker to help you fail then to help you achieve.

Drama whores will tend to be around when everything in your world is chaotic and stressful. They will offer to be your strength and backbone, but when things are looking up in life and going well they are no where to be found. That is because they are too busy hating on you and talking shit about you and trying to wreak havoc in your life because we all know drama whores thrive on negativity.

Drama is their food. They can not thrive or survive with out it. Drama is their means of every day living. You could call a drama whore and tell her the best news ever and she will be too busy to share the joy and happiness with you, but call her up and tell her something horrible and she will drop everything to come commiserate with you.

It is very easy to fall into the grips of a Drama whore because they do tend to add pizzazz. They tend to be fun to be around because they are expressive and sometimes very charming, but the excessive and overbearing balance can destabilize us and we all know we don't need that in our life. Drama whores tend to have mastered the art of manipulation. They hate confrontation in fear of being exposed and being corrected. They are emotionally exhausting and could suck the life out of you. They are always victim of circumstance and never are accountable for the things that are going wrong. None of their life events are ever ordinary. They could create drama watching paint dry! Every sickness they have is the worst every DR has seen, they thrive on crisis.



My advice to anyone involved with a Drama whore is run, they can be hazardous to your health!
 

Teen Pregnancy

I am against it 199%. I was a teen mom. Had my first child at age 17. I found out I was pregnant

at 16 years old. So before anyone thinks that I am being critical or talking out my ass I want to set the record straight. I speak from experience, so remember this is REALITY SPEAKING.

Oh where do I even start. I sometimes wish my mother had not been as supportive as she was. No one sat down and gave me a dose of reality. Someone forgot to fill me in that being a teenage parent wasn't going to be glamorous and didn't exude awesomeness. Hell, being a mother at any age isn't glamorous. With a very firm opinion, I think any parent that offers complete support when their teenage child comes home pregnant is out of their cotton picking mind and needs a head check.... STAT! Why would anyone want their child to sacrifice the must important part of a persons development? I feel the teenage years is such a crucial part of development in a persons life.

 I think this is where and when as people we start to form ideas of who it is we would like to be. Not saying we will become those exact things, but we start to lay our inhibitions in line. I think this is the part of our life where we realize we have to start to find our self and as we mature that self will further evolve. How can a teenage evolve into this person and have a child? I am not saying it can't happen, but it is not practical given the statistics we are faced with.

Statistically speaking....

• Every year around 750,000 teenagers will get pregnant.
• Unmarried teenagers having children account for 24 percent of all unmarried expectant mothers.
• More than 2/3 of all teenagers who have a baby will not graduate from high school.
• Billions of dollars are spent taking care of teenage mothers and their children and they are more likely to be in the poverty bracket.

With statistics like that, we need to reroute our teens in a new direction. What ever happened to teaching our kids about accountability, helping our kids to set goals and letting them know Mommy & Daddy will not be happy about "teenage pregnancy". Wake the hell up people and talk to your kids!!!! I talk everyday to my daughter. I talk till I can't talk no more and I am proud to say I have threatened her. I have let her know how disappointed I would be if she came home pregnant. I have told her how quick I would pack her bags and send her off to adult land.

Yeah, yeah I know I sound like a real BITCH! My daughter doesn't aspire to be a teenaged mom and nor do I aspire for her to be a teenaged mom. See, I always wanted nothing more then to be a Mother and a SAHM at that so, at the end it didn't work out all that bad for me, but for my daughter it wouldn't be her dream come true. She aspires to become a Forensic Psychiatrist. Ambitious, eh? Damn right! That is what I expect of her. I am not saying that we couldn't be thrown a curve ball. Life is all about curve balls, but there are some curve balls we can control.

Pregnancy, is one of those things that do not need to happen! Parents and families need to realize that our children need our guidance they need to know we hold them to a higher standard. They need to know their own self worth. They need to know that having a baby is not a major accomplishment in life unless you are of age, financially stable and emotionally stable. A child is deserving of all the good things in life and having a child, while having nothing to offer that child would be a travesty. On top of that depriving a child their own childhood isn't fair either.

Stand by your Man?



Oh, yes. The million dollar question. I just love when women get up on their soap box.

You hear it all the time, "If my man cheated on me........"........ "I would kick him to the curb"..... or better the ones that always have the great advice for everyone, "I would never tolerate my man doing......................".

Statistically speaking 50-70% of men have admitted to cheating on their spouse, 85% of women who think their spouses are cheating are normally correct and out of that 85% the majority will stand by their man.


WTF has this world came to. Wasn't this a part of the whole feminism wave. When women became more independent and entered the work force as men have. I could of swore that being independent would make life easier if a lady was to fund out her spouse had cheated. I would think it is way easier to draw the line and lay it down when you are financially secure. I always thought if a woman was apart of the working class and had claimed her independence, she would be most likely not to accept her cheating spouses ways. Boy, was I was wrong.

I guess women stay for a variety of reasons. Some good some not so good. Some reasons I have heard is convenience, the kids, income, not wanting to be alone, self-esteem, religious reasons and fear of being alone. I think at this point in my life I would have him out the door ASAP. The reason being is because I am very dedicated to my family and my husband and it would be the ultimate slap in the face. When you do right by someone in every aspect of the word "right", I think actions like this are intolerable because I couldn't fathom being able to look at my spouse with an ounce of respect after knowing he had crossed me like that.

I think the one circumstance I might be forgiving of is if my husband came home and told me willingly. Not me catching him in the act. Him recognizing his wrongs and taking accountability would make a world of a difference to me.

That is me and I respect that. I do feel that as a mother of girls, staying with an unfaithful partner is setting a poor example. I want my girls to know they have face value and are worth more. Not them say, "Well, my Mom tolerated it. So... it mustn't be a big deal." It is a BIG DEAL. We have STD's, AIDS and too much too lose because our spouse needed his fix. I know the statistics show that most men just cheat for sexual gratification with no emotional involvement. I don't need anyone to tell me this. I just know I value my life and I don't want to wake up one morning with mushrooms growing out my vagina and it oozes a funny colored pus and wreaks of high tide at the beach... ewwwwwwwwwww! lol....

With that set aside and my opinions to this matter. I have to stand firm on saying no woman should have to answer to anyone as why she has chosen to stay with her cheating spouse, unless it is her children. WHO ARE WE TO QUESTION her reasons and who are we to belittle her for her choices? Ok, I won't lie I probably would have some strong opinions if this was my daughter, sister or good friend. I would probably urge her to leave her husband. I can admit I know their are people who make mistakes, but a mistake is not a sorted out affair that has lasted a period of time. I think it is unfair that most women do not get the support they need from their friends and family when things like this happen. Bad things happen to good people and we should remember them. Let's not crucify them and remember it is their life, I would still go deep on deserving better, but ultimately I would offer my support.


So, would you stand by your man?

The Unwarranted BITCH



As women we have all acted in this form for some given reason, but I can not stand nothing more then the "Unwarranted Bitch". The are like the Mean Girls that carry on and feel the need to be bitter, obnoxious and BITCHY. Guess what gals, no one like a BITCH, no let me rephrase that. No one likes a Bitch that is a bitch for an unwarranted reason. I have been accused of being bitchy in my time, but I have to say 98% of the time I had good cause. These bitches are the most annoying bitches to have walked the planet.


Good news, it is usually their insecurity speaking for them. Because anyone who is secure in their being doesn't feel the need to carry on in such a manner. These kind of bitches walk around with a chip on their shoulder. Feel the need to act holier than thou and always have to talk to people in a condescending way, again insecurity plays such a big part of it. Here is one better, you can be opinionated with our acting like a bitch. Opinions do not give us a justifiable reason to be obnoxious, belligerent and bitchy.


I have more respect for a woman that can say how she feels with out crossing boundaries or aiming to hit below the belt. Because another thing these kind of women lack is self respect. Self respect would make you feel prided on approaching a situation in a manner that doesn't depict you as a bitch. The whole, " I don't care who thinks I am a bitch" bit is another way of saying. Hi, I have learned to accept that most of my peers do not like or accept me because I refuse to treat people with respect. "I also take great pride in trying to talk down to people and much rather be a bitch for no warranted reason."


Guess what UB's of the world. It don't take much to be a BITCH, because being a bitch doesn't require character. It doesn't require well thought out emotions, it doesn't require respect, integrity or dignity. It requires nothing! So most UB's, need to stop feeling so accomplished. They need to accept the reality that most people around then cower down to them because they rather not deal with them. See me I rather know that the people around me want to be involved with me. Not just do it because it makes life easier. Smell the java UB's. Life would be such a better place if you gave yourself a chance.


I have dealt with many of these in real life and some in the Internet life. Either way, I refuse to allow them to affect me or allow them to make me act like them. I have character and price and I rather interact with people on a respectful level. It is the right thing to do. Please do not misunderstand me being a bitch when warranted is a different topic in entirety. I still feel we should always be the better person, but I can understand responding to someone indifferently out of anger, not just because!


So again UNWARRANTED BITCHES, wake up and build some character because this look is not becoming =/ and also, we don't want this behavior passed down from one generation to another.


PS... I feel bad for any man married to a UB!

SAHM VS WORKING MOM

Dare I go there?


I dare.... Please remember these are opinions. I do not consider my word gospel so please
do not get your panties in a hissy.



So, how do I feel about working moms? I feel the same way about all "MOMS".
No matter what path we have taken we should embrace one another and be up lifting to one another.
Being a mother is probably one of thee toughest jobs in the world and I do not care what anyone says.
I do have opinions in regard to the "working parent". I do feel there are ups and downs in either situation.


WM's....
I think some working moms allow themselves to utilize their time with their children more wisely than SAHM mothers may at time. It may just be because how much quality time can we really spend with our kids in one day since we are with them day in and day out. I would say I spend about 5 hours a day of quality time with my kids (during the week). I also have 4 kids so the obvious is they don't get 5 hours each. AJ get's about 3 hours of full me time. The kids get a combines 3 hours from the time they are home till they go to sleep. So, yes I think SAHM's may give their children less QT while WM's may give more.


I do feel WM's may cut corners. How so? I think simple task like cooking home cooked meals, bath time and sometimes basic needs are compromised. I don't mean it in a sense that they are being neglective, but the reality is there is only 24 hours in a day. It is a lot easier to come home and throw a frozen pizza in the oven or maybe skip a bath. I think moms are spread thin to begin with no matter the situation at hand, but I know first hand being a minority in the situation (most people I know IRL and NIRL) tend to skimp on simple task because they are pressed for time and I can understand that. There are bigger fish to fry. Although, I am sure to say that there are SAHM's that skimp also, so this is not the fairest statements of all and I admit that.


My exsil has a very prestigious career. She was beautiful, smart, kind and caring. A very admirable woman because her position was one that was mostly filled by men, but she had managed to keep above the waves and make herself a name in a mans world. Very admirable. Funny thing was she skimped on every aspect of her children's care and I think that was why I had such a bad taste in my mouth for years in regard to WM's.

Her kids were out of their home 14 hours a day, when they were sick they still went to grandma's house and mommy went to work, if mommy was sick she would stay home and they still went to grandma's. Her kids had such a limited diet because at age 3 they still ate baby food. YES BABY FOOD!!!! Breakfast was normally 2 large jars of bananas with graham crackers. They lived on nuggets and fries (both of her kids) till I was no longer apart of the family so for at least 6 years I know of. If MIL didn't bathe them, they could go a week or more with out a bath, because they were sleeping by the time they got home (9pm). They woke up for 530 am so they didn't get bathed either.

I guess it is women like this that make WM's look bad and I realized not everyone is like this. My best friend is a SINGLE working mother that does not cut corners by any means. She also goes to school and contends with a toddler. So, I know that WM's are good moms and I respect their decision.

I won't deny that some time ago I had very deep feelings about SAHM vs WM's. It was horrible and I am ashamed to admit I felt the way I did at one point. Then I realized while it is not the decision that is best for my family, I was in no position to determine what any one else's fate should be. I feel I am privileged to be at home and care for my kids. It is a choice I have made for my own reasons. I think no matter how large the gap is in our beliefs we should uplift one another and offer our support to one another.



Being a MOM rocks no matter if you are a SAHM or WM!

Part II


A day in the life.....

A day in my life;

7 am Rise and Shine for all

in 40 minutes I have to feed and have 2 kids clothed for school and make sure they brushed their teeth, took their vitamins and freshened up for the day.

7:40 am Off to school for the older kids

8 am Start morning chores

This includes laundry, dusting, organizing, cleaning bathroom and kitchen everyday and making my bed.

9 am bath time for AJ

playtime for AJ and I until about 10 am

10 am arts & crafts

11 am small snack and more playing

12 pm Lunch time and Nap Time to follow

This now means I can do anything that has went undone, check emails, make phone calls that are important, start preparation of dinner, have about 1/2 hour of uninterrupted down time, pay bills, blog, go on Sheknows, Facebook and other social networks. Speak to my husband while he is on his lunch break, put away laundry.

2 pm prepare snack for school aged kids that will return home

230 pm kids home

ask the kids how their day was, ask about school lessons and school day

3 pm homework with 2 kids

4 pm start cooking our dinner

5/530 pm dinner

6 pm bath time for all 4 kids start and as a family we all tackle the dinner mess

7 pm wind down time for the family. We all congregate together and talk or watch TV together

8 pm AJ in bed

8:30 pm older 3 in bed for the night

9 pm Get ready for the next day....

12 am go to bed

In between 11 am and 5 pm I also care for another toddler. So I have 2 toddlers needs to attend to. Sounds like I have a whole lot of nothing going on.





WHO EVER SAID....
being a SAHP was easy wasn't doing it right. I would love a job where I got paid vacation, sick days, fringe benefits, 401k, pension, life insurance and all the other perks, but this job doesn't offer monetary rewards. I am fortunate to have the love and respect of my husband who is a Port Authority Police Officer. He is very supportive and involved in our children's life and in our marriage. I am as equally blessed to have four healthy and beautiful kids that I love beyond words.


I am not going to fluff clouds and act like being a SAHP isn't trying at times, but what job isn't? Anything worth while doesn't come easy. This is what I have been told. I would be lying if I told you that I don't think about the could of been's, should of been's, because we are all human and we all think about that stuff, but at the end of the night when I lay my head down on my pillow I can rest easy. I have no regrets. I feel fulfilled and accomplished. I have always wanted nothing more than to be a big part of my kids life. I have always wanted to give them everything I never had. I have always wanted to dedicate myself to them and not wonder how will I juggle my responsibilities. I don't ever have to question did my kids need go over looked because I came home tired and just wasn't in the mood to attend to their needs. I never have to figure out when to fit my motherly duties in. I never have to skimp on a home cooked meal because I am too exhausted from contending with my coworkers and day job. I get to put myself into this thing called parenting 100% with out having to worry about spreading myself thin.


I won't lie and deny my life is no longer my life. Everything I do, I do for my kids. I won't lie and tell you that their were days I could call in sick or have a personal day. I won't lie and tell you that everyday is a great day, I wont tell you that my job is glamorous, I won't tell you that I don't miss interaction with my own peers, I won't tell you that at times I wish these kids had an off button, but what I will tell you is that I LOVE my life regardless of how much I have sacrificed. We all have to make sacrifices and this is one sacrifice I embrace.